Thursday, July 29, 2004

2dae's mood was mediocre...felt up and down at diff times...haiz...duno wadz wrong wif me..MAD...but actuali in a bad mood...piang!damn pissed off when tt bitch get on the bus wif us todae!kns...dun welcome her lo...she's nt a canoeist anymore lo!she quited!!its nt she's bein forced to left or sth lo...anywae...damn pissed off wif her pressence...kns..hated tt!!perhaps she's the main cause tt led me to my mood swing..arghh!!=/
anywae...wow..i spotted my dream guy!!my prince charming!!hehe...wow...that's actuali such a guy sia!!the guy tt i dreamt of  since young...WAH!!actuali..i spotted him quite long ago alrdy...but didnt remember he's actuali my prince charming..(i mean he gt the features of tt prince charming i dreamt of)..i nv tot i will find tis kind of person..actuali he nt tt handsome la...he juz gt tt special trademark on his face!(those people tt noes me noe wad is choc chip ya?)hehe...and he's reali gt a gentleman look on his face!so cute!!hehe...i actuali noe his full name...*woopx*..=p JOSEPH GERARD PANG JIN SIAN..wow...i muz be dreaming!hehe...but too bad la...normally when u go for sumone of ur dream u will end up getting the opposite type of  guy...and i believe it's true!cos nw...my "him" is juz the oop of my dream guy..anywae,tt joseph is frm CJC!canoeist leh...mai siao siao..quite tanned..nt very tall...skinny ba...den his trademark(a mole) on his face...his mole reali bery nice!!dun belive next time i upload his pic here!!i gt secretly tk his pic...*oopx*...i'm abit mad..but i gt no other evil intentions...juz wanna spent these 3 competition daes looking and admiring him...since i dun haf a chance to do so anymore..and i dun ask for anything else...and mind u,i'm nt a flirt!i dun like him..juz admire him!i onli like my one and onli "him"...which i alwaes mention in my blog...ok?!(*_*)

ive finish my competition 2dae..HAIZ...damn disappointed...i said i was nt nervous ya?but...when i was at the starting point...i was like "oh my god,nw its my turn"...in fact i freak out...in a wae tt i forgot all my strokes!!!my starting 50 strokes lidat was great...!but i didnt maintain all the wae...SAD~ my mind was in a blank when im suppose to focus on my strokes..*sigh*=(
den...therefore...i was ranked 4th!!(out of 5 boats lo!!)HELL...so damn pai seh...actuali i thought i could win wan lo...hiaz..but...i didnt focus enuff and hence,i pull the whole 300m!den until last 100m i no strength liao lo..=/
hiaz..sumore i almost give up...all these factors reali make me forgive myself man!!!hiaz..DISAPPOINTED!
anywae,if tink on the positive side den gd lo..cos no need worry abt tis worry abt tt liao...no need be nervous liao lo...hehehe...*cheers*(*_*)

went kbox wif my ah siaos todae..went chinatown...although we sing until glass break,but we didnt reali sing enuff i guess...*oopx*...greedy sia..=X anywae,did enjoy myself changing all the lyrics and so on...haha...sore throat leh...eben b4 the ktv...since sundae...*hiaz*...anywae,tmr competition liao lo...actuali nt so nervous tis yr...duno y...perhaps i'm well prepared!!*clap clap*...or perhpas losing had became a sure for me...*sigh*...but wadever it is,i m gonna do my best!!last yr leh...hehe...erm,i believe i can do it!!!I CAN DO IT!hehe....quote"the champion aims for the finishing line even if someone reaches there 1st..." tis quote!calm my nervousness down~amazing ah?!(*_*)gd luck ah mei...!

BACK!haiz...ytd's bolg nv mention abt him...*sigh*..ytd to angry liao...so 4got abt him..*oopx*...perhaps getting angry often can forget him..how i wish i can forget him man!!!=(
he ar..24th had passed...i said i would call him eh?but i didnt..i dont haf tt courage..reali duno y...i used to be so brave..but tis time..he's reali driving me mad!!!gonna die..going mad..-_-
BUT...i gt msg him...i forwarded him a msg...at ard 11 odd in the nite ytd..hoping tt he will reply me..(coz he used to do tt)...OMG~my hp ring(msg tone) after abt 10 mins later...i hope it was him...i tk my hp,unlock it and press to the inbox...i closed my eyes..praying tt its him..BUT...ITS NT!utterly disaappointed...reali felt so bad...HAIZ...wad to do...he dont wan to bother me anymore...actuali tt time he told me he's feeling moody,tts all...but nw,it's been quite some time le...i wan to give him time...but he seems to forget abt my presence..however,nw i tink he haf recover frm his mood swing le...cos i can see smiles and live in him...he's beginning to accept everyting..but he still forgets abt me..did he oso forget all the fond memories we had?did he forget how i used to make him laugh in the past?MY GOSH!its all a dream to him perhaps!(*_*)
forget it...i duno wad i'll do next..but i tink i shall nt bother him since he dun wan me to..anywae,competition is drawing near...scare i lose sia...die...aiya,lose lose lo..anywae nt nv lose b4...haha..lose oso gd la...thurs no need race again...haha...CONFUSED!=/

WAD A BAD DAE TODAE!!!!!arghh...kns...todae wadever i do oso wrong...nth to sae...ppl kip picking on me...duno wadz wrong...sumore tis few daes i feeling bery moody lo...den all tis tings juz come together!!=(
during np...i HATE jian rong and haslan!!!kns...they both sux!SUX to the core!they both like to pick on me...sae i give attitude..plz lo...they sae my face show the word attitude...OMG!(blame it on my mother la!!my face is given by my mum lo!!)plz..at 1st i nv give wan...is they sae liao den i purposely give liao!!kns...esp tt jian rong...mama him la!when he scolding us tt time...sae canot be too serious,canot heeheehaahaa...den i ans back la,wad he expect us to do?!wad kind of face he wan frm us!!den he stand very close me lo!!!so disgusting!!yucks!den he sae muz be SHARP!kns...i still round leh...my face round wan leh..wad he expect me to do?trim my face ar...kns...pui!-_- expressionless best la...haiyo...sumore when he toking to me,i look at the floor...HE ASK ME TO LOOK INTO HIS EYES LO!wtf...kns...sibei er xin...actuali i wan sae plz la,i onli look into yandao's eyes..deb sae i see his face wanna vomit liao ar!(but i nv..i gd gal..dun wan hurt his feelings nia...)so i sae i dun like to look into other peoples's eyes..actuali im nt lo...juz giving him an excuse...eee yer...i diao him den look on ther floor again...den he shout at me!!he sae"but i wan u to"!!OMG..i bwg!!!i pui...look at him duno how mani meals canot eat ar..sua...lucky todae we leave early..=O...NPCC SUX!!!SUX TO THE CORE!
caoeing...tot it would be beta..but..no much beta..kns..everyting was alrite..den when we are lauching to start go down water tt time..i took kaixiang's paddle...actuali i tk his paddle cos tt time cher sae he dun wan juniors to tk brasca paddles..he onli wan them use flite...den i let nicolas use my paddle lo..dun wan him get scolding..cos i noe sufian like to nag nag nag...actuali i feel tt i alwaes tink abt the juniors lo..dun wan them to tio anyting..tt time benny complain the white paddle heavy i oso change wif him..let him use my paddle..(nt i praise myself or wad)sumtimes i treat them too gd den i ownself kana scolding..duno la!KNS..den vincent come shout at me!ask me use my own paddle..nt i dun wan use..if i use my own paddle,nick will haf to use brasca..seriously,nt i insist on brasca...to me,its the same,juz tt kx's paddle is longer den mine..easier to use..my paddle reali very short!dun believe u go measure lo!after his scoldings,i sua lo...lan lan go tk my own paddle den let nick use tt paddle..even nick as me.."huh,i use brasca?i wun kana scolding meh?"i juz dun care him dne go off liao..during warm up until my 3rd race,i was actuali crying...i'm reali hurt lo!nth to sae..i give in so much den nobody cares abt my feelings...sumore todae i juz kana scoldings frm the two suckers..nw another one come scold me..den my effort was nt appreciated all tis+my moodiness...OMG!~going mad..=(
luckily later its the juniors who make me smile again..u all heng ar...arbo next time u all die!=D

back frm my mondae blues..hiaz...tis few daes alot of hmwk sia...so damn alot!!!tt i simply haf to sacrifice my time to do my hmwk!!!(me so guai wan)-_- instead of blogging la...heihei..~ actuali so mani tings happen tis few daes...lazy write down...anywae...tok abt todae...me cut my hand during PE todae!!arghhh...sumore is cut myself lo!!me so dumb sia...madie gal i am...HAIZ...>.<
felt abit moody todae...*sigh*...been moody last few daes...juz duno y...he tt time tell me he moody...tink nw my turn to be moody liao...*sigh* die..canot!!arghh!
todae my class damn united ar!!we stay for maths remedial and all the wae util 5 plus!!Liao bu qi leh...mai siao siao!!!hehe...miss lim oso impressed sia..and gd ting is...i finish 3/4 of the hmwk there!!yeah....
he ar...maybe gt improvements..i duno..he at least nw more cheerful liao..can see...BUT he still nv tok to me...haiz..reali going mad liao la...todae hurt myself...reali hope he's the one pasting the plaster for me..haiz...hehe...anywae cute sia...juz nw i use "daffy duck"(the cartoon character) plaster...poh gek gib me de...wah...hehe...end nw bah...dun wan tink abt him le la...he reali make me abit dead liao...reali tired of all these liao!!arghh!!!>.<

Hiaz...Monday blues ar!!!-_-"
haiz...reali wanna *sigh* again..pardon me...:X a long and tiring dae thou...ytd nite couldnt get to slp...*madie* toss and turn the whole nite lyk a mad women!(tried knocking my head against the wall to at least faint and get to slp..cos i dun wanna slp in class!!me guai hor...=P ) den at least get to slp a few hrs...at ard 2am bah...*oopx*...=P
todae's eng lesson sux!!!so damn boring...reali begin to slack in eng lessons but haiz...wad to do?!(*_*) life still goes on..however,gd news is...I'M BEGINNING TO GEAR UP!!o'levels...wo lai le!!!=)
todae went to bugis wif elva,shimin,pohgek,jiaying and ben tan...woah...nth to sae...tok non-stop...tok until saliva dry ar!!!hehe...but tok abt who...u noe i noe...*woopx*-_-
HAIZ!!!!!!he still didnt tok to me...i reali feeling very lost lo!!!HELP!!!mad...mad abt him...at least a msg frm him will reali brighten up my dae lo!!but didnt..*sigh* reali cant stop tinking abt him sia....HELP!!!i've tried nt msging for continuous daes liao...BUT...reali sometimes hands itchy wan lo...boh bian...anywae,reali wish he can come msg me b4 24th tis mth..if nt...i gonna cann him ask him wad he wan!!*oopz*sound so fierce...haiz...heck liao la!!!walk one step see one step liao...~

haiz...another tiring dae...canoe until whole body going to be rotten..reali lo..hiaz...but nvm..competition drawing near...so boh bian lo..-_- but realised my strokes haf greatly improved..HEHEHE~!*clap clap*=)
oh ya...muz announce sth...I FOUND A NEW BUDDY!!!a go hm buddy to be exact..hehe...she is oso my garang guni leh...u shld noe who u are la...ytd promise i will post in my blog wan,but i too hapi tt i haf soulateS tt i forget to include inside...*oOpx* soli soli la...dun blame me k?i love all of them ok?!my siaochabors..=D
erm..wad else?haha...me and elva can be nominees for singapore's biggest eater liao...todae we eat as if we 10 yrs nv eat b4...exaggerating hor?LOL..~we ate sho much in PS kopitiam 2dae...maybe partly becoz of todae's tough training...*oOpX*...(*_*)
WAD NW?!!he still dun wan come tok to me..i reali duno wad he wan nw...LOST HOPE liao me...he dun wan me le izit?!!we used to be so close!!!den nw he like duno me lidat..ACT DAO SIA...!=(
WHEN DEN U WAN COME TOK TO ME?!!!WHEN CAN WE BE LIKE IN THE PAST?!!=(

woohoo...haiz...actuali wrote a post abt my 4 dae trip to my godfather's funeral wan...den in the end duno y computer suddenly restart..!arghhhh....damn angry lo!!cos i write bery long liao!!!anywae...dun tok abt it le..anywae,maybe its a gd ting after all..no need to recall those sad memories...
anywae...had my canoeing training todae...to me quite tough(cos last 2 trainings i didnt go becos of the funeral)..hand reali bery pain!!haiyo..muscle aching..but tmr still gotta go again...no choice..haha,but had great fun 2dae!bery funi..my boat and that boat name "zig zag" kip knocking each other!!wahahaha!"zig zag"..u shld noe who u are...they still blame me for the knock lo!!nth to sae...-_-"'
P/S:FOUND NEW SOULMATES ...hehe...*oOpX*(*_*)
HAIZ...tt person bery cold towards me frm the dae sch starts..duno y..he bo chap me liao..=( he used to irritate me evry nw and then...but nw no more liao...felt so weird...he's avoiding me?i duno..we used to be so close b4 mid yr..nw no more le..reali miss him lo...=( y he lidat de?!!at least treat me as a fren nw la...dun ignore me mah!!-(
      SIAOCHABOR men...thx for ur support during these daes..~!MuAcKz~

yeah..my blog gt new look liao...!finally sia!=)

long time nv update blog liao..but decided to write todae cos sth happened juz a feel hrs ago...my god father juz passed away in the wee hrs todae..he is sumone who dotes on me alot!!and he is sumone i love very much!he contracted cancer since last yr...he's a drinker,he's a smoker(perhaps tt's the reason y he gt cancer)yeah...i was sad...VERY SAD...i gt the news after miss lim's maths remedial class todae...my mum called me in the middle of the class and i tot she called me to ask me wad i want to eat(cos she alwaes call to ask me tt,nth else)i den reject the call and call her straight after class..true enough,she ask me where i am and ask me wad i wan to eat..BUT...BUT...she told me an additional information..my god father had passed away...
sumone so close to me died!how can i tk it!!of cos i will broke out in tears..almost immediately..(i was still crying nw..)
tall,black,skinny,haf a moustache and had few strands of white hair(wanted to remember him 4ever and i believe i will)morever,after he contracted cancer,he get skinnier dae by dae...maybe he needs to undergo the radioactive therapy(mrs lim juz taught us tis topic lo)
he brought me for supper everytime when i was abt 5,6 yrs old...memories were still vivid in my mind..he brought me to the local coffee shop to eat roti prata...in fact,im the onli one eating..he was drinking tiger beer normally...often he was drunk..and i haf to assist him hm by telling him the wae hm..(at time,i was staying wif him and my god maother's family at clementi)...tinking of all these incidents make my tears dropped even more...
he was sitting beside the gate...smoking...tis was the last time i saw him..and tis was oso the last time i tok to him...i asked him nt to smoke so much and he juz answeres "hanah2"..and give me a $10 note and ask me go buy ting eat...i rejected the offer but he insisted it and squeeze into my bag...he den ask me study hard...these were the last words i hear frm him...he oso asked me y i dun wan go JC..we had a chat and he sae juz do my best...(cant control my tears...soli everyone)
i duno wad to do nw...my mum ask me go there c later..but im afraid i will burst out in tears when i recall those memories...reali...very scare..perhas he's better off dead..cos he wont be suffering so much nw...he wont haf to undergo such a tough treatment...he need nt suffer anymore..but i reali regretted nt to tk out time to see him when my mum ask me to...reali regretted...he's like a 2nd father to me
AH HOCK PA PA........~!I REALI MISS U!!!!!!!I WILL NT CRY BECOS I'M SAD TT U DIED!I CRIED BECOS I'M HAPPY U HAF WITHDRAW FRM UR SUFFERINGS!!

& there she goes,
chasing her fairytales ;
Thursday, July 08, 2004